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Don’t wait until Monday

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

th-5

Have you taken your moral inventory yet? I have things rolling around in my head that I intend to write down whenever I do this, but I’m avoiding the actual thing. I think having them in my head is worse than writing them down. Writing them down is the first step in facing them. You can identify them. You might even find you have fewer things on your list than you thought. In your head they seem to float around and take up much more space.

Why is this step so hard? Why do we not want to face ourselves? What do we think we will find that will be so difficult to look at? Are we afraid we won’t be able to do anything about what we find? Or do we not want to uncover our rationalizations, justifications and denials because then we will have to do something about what they hide?

Here’s what I’m finding. I’m finding I do a lot of: “I know such and such is a problem; I’m going to have to do something about that someday.” Which reminds me of a song by Terry Scott Taylor (Daniel Amos) about that very thing. You will get a chuckle out of it, albeit a painful chuckle because it’s a little too close to the truth for comfort.

Startin’ Monday

by Terry Scott Taylor

 

Startin’ Monday

I’m cleanin’ the slate,

gonna quit smokin’

start losin’ some weight

tell someone I’m sorry,

oh its gonna be great

Startin’ Monday

 

Startin’ Monday

I’ll be cheatin’ fate

Here, I’ve written it down,

I’ve circled the date

Right now is not good

but I’ll charge out the gate

Startin’ Monday

 

I know I’ve said it before,

but this time I’m determined

to be what I know I can be

Don’t need a “how-to” book

or some do-gooders sermon

to change my own destiny

 

And Startin’ Monday

I’ll be playin’ it straight,

choosing only the good things

to put on my plate

reversing the engine,

rewinding the tape

Startin’ Monday

 

I’m well aware of the fact

I’ve got only a weekend

to get all my ducks in a row

I’ll be workin’ real hard

to get out of my system

a few wild oats left to sow

 

But Startin’ Monday

there’ll be no debate

I’ll start readin’ my Bible,

rise early, work late,

recycle, stay sober,

choose love over hate

Startin’ Monday

 

Startin’ Monday

fix all my mistakes

Startin’ Monday

 

Bad idea: Put it all off, it will never get done. By the time you get to Monday it will be daunting — bigger than it is now, that’s for sure.

Good idea: Start now. Do what you can, then add to it. We’re on a search, remember? We won’t get it all the first time anyway. Then, when you get to Monday, you’ll be almost done. (Of course, that’s a relative statement, because this job is never done.)

7 responses to “Don’t wait until Monday”

  1. Jesus Aguilar

    Thank you John, you are doing a good job, from where people in your group can understand that is an inside job, to be presented to God and to other person. We are not unique, we are not the only ones that hate, of feel sorry for ourselves, we feel that we have been given the short end of the stick and this no one will know. The good new is that God knows, and others have the same feelings, the same falling apart, the feelings of financial insecurity, and loneliness, yes the worst sinner of all, we want to hide and do not tell any of it. The most dangerous mind set is this: “Let gone be gone” but it never is, and will hunt us all the way. Face it, confess, and be set free.
    Here is how I started in 1990. Give it a read, it may help:
    What happened to you? I was asked, my answer was quick and to the point. God happened to me. The words were convincing enough for the person and he said. Could you sponsor me? With joy in my heart, for the opportunity that I was presented with; I embraced it and said yes, of course, it is a privilege and an honor.
    A new journey began, the journey of the twelve steps, ego deflating, self-searching, going thru lots of anger, fear, doubt and much dismay; only to arise and keep on walking, keep on looking for a moment of peace of mind that seem so unattainable. Going forward with surrendering, admitting the powerlessness and unmanageability, that my life had become. The impossibility to climb out of the whole of despair, kept me from a moment of rest; nights were eternal torture of remorse and self-pity, finding myself in the darkest place even as I was praying and asking for giddiness to change, to stop this remorse, to see the light of the day, and bring some peace in my life. So many times, I was told to just keep coming back, hang in there, this to shall pass, words of comfort that I could not hear. The walls that I have built did not permit any information to come and set in. Why was I brought in here to the rooms of alcoholics anonymous? Certainly, this is not the place to find peace, in the midst of people coursing in the same sentence of mentioning God. How could God be here? These people are crazier than I am. Church is the place where God resides, perhaps all of this is a mistake and I am in the wrong place? Amazing, I was giving the choice, if you think that you will be better off in church, go ahead and go to church, just remember we will be here. Oh yes, I considered many times but I kept on coming back to the same meetings, and then I came to step two, where my belief in God, increase I will say. God saw my disbelief and helped me to believe.
    I made a decision to turn my life and my will to the “care” of God under the direction of my sponsor we recited the third step prayer, and I submitted to God’s will. I was to do anything that I did not want to do, always contrary action will lead you to God’s will I was told, this was really hard, for without knowing I was going against the ego authority, the authority that have been dictating my life, and now I was beginning to put it aside.
    Then immediately assaulted the fourth step, I did not take my time to fill up the columns and one by one begin to reveal how wrong I have been, yes, I blame of course that is what we do, we blame, but my sponsor laugh and laugh so more to my attitude of blaming and pointed out that thru all of it I had a part, and my part was the determining factor of all my grieving and hurting and to heal these wounds all I had to do is forgive myself for all my wrong doing and accept God’s forgiveness.
    What a relief, for first time in long, long time I laid my head to asleep and I did. It was no crazy talking, no turning and tossing. Thank God.

    Reply
  2. lindastapleton7

    Jesus is absolutely right, these steps bring a freedom and peace that is amazing. It’s fear that holds us back. In 12 step circles they have two options of what you can do with fear:
    F*** Everything And Run or
    Face Everything And Recover
    Take your pick, the choice is yours, but God gave us free will to make life enhancing choices and going through these steps is one of the best you could make.

    God bless everyone embarking on this journey.

    Reply
  3. Mark D Seguin

    Loving, & hating these 12 Steps! <3

    Reply
  4. TOM

    I did these steps to get and stay clean and sober. When ever I would balk at doing the next step my sponsor would say “maybe you need to drink some more”. The first 4th step was pretty short. I got my Big Book and followed the direction as best I could.I went to my sponsor to do my 5th step.He suggested I do it with a minister. I had thought I was unworthy of recovery. I sat down with a minister and gave a very brief share on the things I didn’t want anyone to know. He told me some of his stuff too. When I left I felt worthy and that God still loves me.There are a lot of prodigal son and daughter stories in the room. Over the years I have discovered that the 3rd step is only a decision. Step 4 tells me what I am surrendering – this life of bondage to SELF. The 12 steps are a step by step instruction of how to develop a person relationship with God. And here I thought they were just about stop’n drink’n. Those AAs are a sneaky bunch.

    Reply
    1. lindastapleton7

      Great story, Tom. As they say, it takes what it takes and if we get sober in the end, it’s all worth it. Thank you.

      Reply
      1. jwfisch

        For people who are sober, I would say “we get free in the end.” I’m concerned that if we make sobriety the end, a lot of people will rule out the steps because they are sober. (Sober in terms of alcohol and drugs, but not sober in terms of bad habits, character flaws and sin.)

        Reply
        1. lindastapleton7

          Yes, I thought that as soon as I had commented, John, but couldn’t see how to edit my post. You are absolutely right.

          Reply

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